sAhNtOkKi's Xanga

Friday, December 22, 2006

Fri, 22 Dec 2006 17:49:48 GMT

San Frannnnnnnncisco.

Flew up.
Was flyyy.
Flew down.

Holiday party at some mansion in Fremont.

Drinking ^ playing with Stacey!!

Before leaving, at Sister and Fiance's home:

Happy HOlidays!!!

Sunday, December 10, 2006

Sun, 10 Dec 2006 19:37:06 GMT

Finals study time. Yeeksh. This quarter was pretty tough, but next quarter's going to be even harder. 19 units. 2 jobs. LiNK.

Buttt, I have SF to look forward to with Cat this wknd!! Fun, fun, fun! =D

Last uphill trek: last paper final, 8am final, another 8am final, and an 11am final.

A. ja. baby.

Carpe di-tests!

hehe, for fun:

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Tue, 03 Oct 2006 03:37:53 GMT

I was sick. But I had to eat , so after the LiNK Benefit Concert board meeting, we went to ShiGol SsamBap. Yum.my.... aside from the occasional upsetting of stomach.

I love insanity when it comes in the form of friends. I really believe that quality comes in smaller numbers.
A few. A happy and valuable few.
C. A. E. C. and of course, my N.

Thursday, May 18, 2006

Thu, 18 May 2006 03:55:34 GMT

I rarely have 'favorites'. But when I do, I DO.

Some of my favorite things are:

satin sheets
,
                                                             oatmeal raisin cookies
                                                 ,
cosmopolitans
,
                                                   scented candles
                                     ,
                                                    tulips
,
                                                                    lazy saturday mornings
                                         ,

                                                and

Christmas in New York (I have yet to experience this favorite)

What is something that you consider to be YOUR favorite?

Monday, May 08, 2006

Mon, 08 May 2006 01:02:11 GMT

What does it mean to have matured?

Does it mean we're more patient?
Does it mean we're more wise?
Or, that we find ourselves more and more able to compromise in the face of conflict?
Or, that we've re-prioritized our lives to presumably "more important" things?

I can't be sure of what. exactly. it is... but I am sure that it's making all the difference.

It seems almost wasteful that a good chunk of the last year of our three and a half year relationship was consumed by bickering, arguing, and cold-shouldering. Still, it's become increasingly apparent to me - and I'm sure to him - that things, as I'd suspected and hoped, happen for a reason (though we may not always know what they are, as I reported in a past entry). Taking that risk - and what a risk it was - has brought me, us, and our general lives, to a point that is so much more valuable than what it was. In addition to the history, the laughs, the connection, the kisses, and the hugs, we now have
individual security and composure.

So Cool.

Friday, April 14, 2006

Fri, 14 Apr 2006 20:19:47 GMT

I had the most wonderful weekend with the most wonderful person.

Happy Birthday,
NATHAN RAMOS CHAN
Thank you for being born...

You take my life of frequent insanity,
and hand me the permanent cure.
You brush aside my life of unbearable hardships,
and paint me a picture of life's beauty.
You pick up the pieces of an often broken Hansoul,
and rebuild a stronger Me.
<3
In all this, I see an US that re-emerges again and again...
and each time it does,
we've suffered - but grown - a little more...
In all this, I see that it's important to
re-emerge as a different - yet same - person.
This time, I have appeared as someone who's learned
how to love you a little better.
Thank you for waiting.
I love you...
like I always have... never have... and like I promise I will.

Monday, April 03, 2006

Mon, 03 Apr 2006 05:33:53 GMT

Ha Ji Won is my favorite Korean actress.
I respect her ability to take up versatile roles, and I appreciate her "good looks".

BUT THEN, she goes and does something like this (!!!) :

Most hideous shirt, ever. What thuff was she thinking?! =_- ;;
Ji Won unni, no more fashion faux pas. Thank you.

Nonetheless, she's still my favorite.

Okay, so today's entry - for once - was light.
This is due, in most part, to the re-emergence of a light source that I had - up til recently - dimmed down and almost regrettably turned off. My life has subsequently brightened up a bit.

Thank you. You are not only the source of my light... but also my hope, my sanity, and most dearly... that feeling of calm excitement, quiet celebration, and erratic constancy. Our time will come again, soon enough. I love you.

Monday, March 27, 2006

Mon, 27 Mar 2006 17:51:46 GMT

I've been so stupid.

I've been so dumb.

Love isn't great. Love isn't happy. Love isn't perfect. At least, when it isn't, it really isn't.

Perhaps as much as it helps, it hurts. Perhaps, when it hurts, it hurts more than it ever helped.
Why does no one ever say that they regretted loving given how much it hurts when it ends?
Why does no one ever talk about how much they wished it never happened so that it wouldn't hurt so much when it ends?
Why does no one ever REALLY warn you about how much more ignorantly blissful you'd be if you hadn't experienced it at all... so that it wouldn't hurt so much when it ends?

Because it isn't. Because it's always better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all.

I'm sitting here, in the dark at 10:33 am on a sunny day, eyes drowned in tears, heart limp from pain, toes frozen from the frost of reality... and even now, i can say that i'm glad i loved. i'm glad i was loved. i'm glad i felt it. i'm glad i gave it. i'm glad i lived it. a life of love. a life of nothing but love. a love of unconditional conditions. a love of no unforgivable sins. a love of no externals because all externals were internalized. a love that could no longer wait for me when i lost my way. a love that rightfully said "goodbye" because i was wrongfully saying "wait".

don't love if you don't want to get hurt.
don't love if you don't want to hurt someone else.
don't love if you can't handle pain so painful that no one sane would choose to endure it.
but. don't live if you don't want to love.

This is the silver lining...:

Monday, March 13, 2006

Mon, 13 Mar 2006 06:24:37 GMT

i thank anything and everything in this world for

showing me you and letting me have you

as MY BEST FRIEND.

i wish for all happy things, sweet experiences, and divine joys to find themselves to you and may such amenities of life only work to nourish and enrich your life.

Happy Birthday,

Carissa Minjung Kim!!

*~*"Carey Berry" *~*

Sunday, March 05, 2006

Sun, 05 Mar 2006 19:48:41 GMT

Is it regret?
Is it remorse?
Or am I just forgetting why, exactly, I did it to begin with.
Must I take this newly-emerged impulse at face value and act on it,
Or should I struggle to stay true to the decision I made at such a price.

Is it falling back to my comfort zone?
                                      Or is it standing up to life.
Is it settling for what I've always known?
                                             Or is it searching for a greater unknown.
Is it cowering from what I know is inevitable?
                                                   Or is it fighting against what should not be.
Is it an illusion?
                                                       Or is it the plain truth.